Treasure the Moments: Life Is Short, Laundry Is Eternal
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by Jess Snyder
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Scott Benner’s new book has been on the store shelves for only a few weeks and readers’ reviews are avidly recommending this author’s first book. Although irreverent and hilarious in some chapters, today I’m sharing a solemn heartfelt excerpt about fatherhood from Life Is Short, Laundry Is Eternal: Confessions of a Stay-at-Home Dad. This debut title is a perfect gift for Father’s Day—for your father, the father of your children, and don’t forget the women in your life who are interested in a view from the other side of the fence.
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“I’m writing this today only one day removed from taking Arden to a gymnastics class. I have to tell you that there are about a thousand things that I’d rather do than watch gymnastics, but those aren’t what I was doing yesterday. It doesn’t matter if your children are in a bad play, singing off key in the school chorus, or participating in a sport that you absolutely hate, their activities are for them, and you get to experience their joy, struggle, frustration, accomplishments, and defeats as they participate. I really believe that if you don’t witness your children living their lives, it is very difficult to properly help them make their way through that life. Your children’s teachable moments can act as teaching moments for you as well.
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“Sometimes, these moments are so small and, at first glance, may seem insignificant. Maybe it’s something as simple as shopping for a dress or being behind them for support as they make a decision about what binder to buy for school. Our children are just that, children. Almost everything they do is new to them, and even when it seems that they’ve been at it for long enough to not need you, they still like to know that you’re there. A lot of these moments happen when you don’t expect; they happen in department stores, car rides, and during boring events such as dance recitals.
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“Men can continue to avoid these moments in life if they want. They can make fun of them behind their wives’ backs to save face with their friends. You can be sure that more than a few jokes will be told about the guys who do these things with a willing heart. I just wish that those guys would stop saying, “I don’t do that, my wife does,” in a tone that’s meant to belittle the moment. Peer pressure at this age isn’t pretty; it’s kind of sad, actually.
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“Privately most guys wish that they had a closer relationship with their fathers, although publicly they mock those relationships. It just doesn’t make sense. Don’t you see that you are sending your children down the same path that you privately wish you had never had to walk? Eventually, someone will break the cycle. One of the men in your familial line will put his foot down and say that’s enough. Why not let it be you? There are a million great experiences waiting to enrich your life if you can just get the idea out of your head that they aren’t for you.”
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Jessica Snyder joined the Spry Wellness Blog as a contributor in 2012. She is currently working to obtain an undergraduate degree in English and Communications at the University of Michigan.
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Sophie the Athlete: Part I
by Jess Snyder and Skip DeWall
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This piece was originally run on December 27, 2012. We are rerunning it as a part of our focus on National Autism Month. If their story is of interest to you, Skip is currently collecting endorsement letters for Sophie’s Governor’s Fitness Awards nomination. If you’d like to show your support for their cause, please email us at info@sprypub.com. Since this article first published, Sophie has also been selected as a finalist for the Michigan People’s Choice Award! We’ll keep you updated as we receive links for the voting.
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At Spry Publishing, we love to feature individuals who have achieved great things in the midst of great challenges, especially when those people are able to inspire others to do the same.
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Skip DeWall is a good friend of Spry, a member of our local community, and a colleague of ours in the publishing industry. Skip’s stepdaughter Sophie Lash is an incredible young woman with autism who is making the type of achievements that we most admire. With the support of her family, friends, and community, Sophie is expanding her personal horizons through diet and exercise, making changes that have impacted much more than just her physical fitness.
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Sophie is being nominated for the Governor’s Fitness Awards here in Michigan, so we thought this would be the perfect time to share their fantastic story with you. I had a chance to interview Skip this month and asked him about his family, Sophie’s recent accomplishments, and the Fitness Awards for which she’s been nominated. Later this week, we will publish Skip’s nomination letter to the Michigan Fitness Award organization, explaining Sophie’s story in more detail.
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Enjoy!
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JS: Can you tell us a little bit about your family?
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SD: I married Sophie’s mother, Mary, in February of 2011. I have another stepdaughter, Hannah, age 17. My children, Jen and Dan, are 25 and 27 respectively, and off at school. Mary and I met at ProQuest in Ann Arbor, where we both work in sales. Mary actually interviewed me for the job. We live in Chelsea. Hannah and Sophie both go to Chelsea High School. Sophie is in the special education program.
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JS: What first prompted Sophie to become more active?
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SD: Sophie’s autism makes it hard for her to do anything that is unfamiliar to her. She would almost never choose to leave the house if it were up to her. As a family, we decided that Sophie’s condition was not going to hinder our everyday activities and that we would work together to help her to accept challenges. We started with simple things—trips to the store, short walks, attending social functions in town, and going out to visit people.
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At first it was extremely hard for Sophie, but we took small steps. A short visit. A quick walk. Sometimes we had to make a deal with Sophie—just get out of the car and look at the festival, and if you don’t want to stay we will leave. And we did leave if she chose that path. But then the walks got longer and the socialization more comfortable, and soon she was doing everything with us, and usually without the fear and apprehension that had paralyzed her in the past. Because she was so far behind her peers in this regard, we kept increasing our expectations little by little. We wanted to be certain that we had reachable goals, and that Sophie actually understood that she could accomplish these new experiences. Her confidence grew as each new goal was attained. I began running a few steps with her on our regular hikes. Then a few more, then faster … and she responded. So, I took her to the track and had her run/walk laps with me. In her autistic mind, the idea that we would run was not maddening, but the thought that she should run in a circle, only to end up exhausted where she started drove her crazy. But again, small steps. We usually rewarded her in some way after a workout—a treat, pizza night, or a visit to Grandma’s. Soon enough, she trained for and ran the Run for the Rolls (one mile fun run) in the summer of 2012.
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JS: What kind of impact has the activity and cooking together had on your family?
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SD: Sophie’s growth has profoundly affected us. Virtually everything we did, at one time, was entered into with the realization that Sophie could explode in a tantrum and force us to abandon our plans. She was prone to meltdowns that were terrifying to the uninitiated. She would hit, scratch, and bite. She would scream on the floor and refuse to budge. We very frequently missed out on things because the fear of Sophie exploding was just too great.
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The confidence that she now has, that we all have, is remarkable and allows us to have what I would call a totally normal family life. Sophie has been constantly pushed to achieve. Her growth has resulted in self-confidence and good behavior. She has, day-by-day, what I would call a normal life and has grown so dramatically as a person that many who know her simply cannot believe it.
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Sophie has taken an interest in cooking too, which is rewarding to me because I am a chef wanna-be. My son Dan is a chef. Sophie, all on her own, discovered cooking videos on YouTube and likes to help me make her supper, granola bars, and mostly, pizza. A year ago this was not the case.
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JS: I understand she has been nominated for an award. Can you tell us more about that?
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SD: The Governor’s Fitness Awards are given in several categories each year. When Cindy Trivelene, race director for The Run for the Rolls, submitted pictures of Sophie to the foundation that sponsors the awards and her race, Sophie caught some attention. They wanted to know more about her. They recommended Cindy submit an application for her nomination. We have nominated Sophie for awards in several categories including: Inspiring Story, Conquering Obesity, and Overcoming Adversity.
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Jessica Snyder joined the Spry Wellness Blog as a contributor in 2012. She is currently working to obtain an undergraduate degree in English and Communications at the University of Michigan.
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Can’t Wait! Life Is Short, Laundry Is Eternal
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by Jeremy Sterling
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If you have any friends or family members who work in the book publishing industry, then you probably know that people don’t usually pursue this glamorous occupation for the fame or the fortune. Nearly all of the “book people” whom I know—booksellers, publishers, editors, publicists, marketers, salespeople, designers, production managers, etc.—work in books because they truly enjoy creating and sharing content that can delight and inspire people in some way, hopefully in many ways. To someone who loves making books, there is no better feeling than knowing you’ve been able to touch readers with your ideas and to have a positive impact on their lives. That’s what it is all about.
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Next week on April 2, Spry is releasing two titles that I’m completely thrilled about, so I thought I’d devote a couple of posts to talking about what makes these books special and why I think they might be of interest to you.
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The first of the two is Life Is Short, Laundry Is Eternal: Confessions of a Stay-at-Home Dad by Scott Benner. We first worked with Scott last year, when he contributed a fantastic sidebar to Leighann Calentine’s Kids First, Diabetes Second. Everyone at Spry really enjoys Scott’s writing style. He does a tremendous job of being heartfelt but not corny, motivational but not preachy, funny but not frivolous. He writes as he talks, and I’m quite sure he could carry on a decent conversation with a tree stump.
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In a nutshell, Life Is Short, Laundry Is Eternal is a collection of stories about the mishaps and misadventures of parenting, told from the perspective of a quality stay-at-home dad. With a wide range of topics that anchor individual chapters (fatherhood, marriage, sex, gender roles, diabetes, laundry, “dropping the baby”), there are many different messages that you might take away from this book.
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One main theme that has impacted me the most is the idea that life truly is short and there’s never a better time than now to find ways to enjoy it with the people you care about. As a father who loves spending time with his kids, I’ve been inspired by the chapters in this book that deal with finding ways to create and savor that quality time with your family. The two baseball chapters in the book—aside from being some of Scott’s best writing, in my opinion—will hopefully speak to other parents in the same way they’ve spoken to me.
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Through the lens of Scott’s experiences, we’re reminded that nobody on Earth is dealt a perfect hand, and the path to happiness is paved by figuring out how to turn life’s challenges into life’s rewards. Through a lifetime of difficulties with his own father, Scott was compelled to be an engaged, supportive parent for his own children. Following his daughter Arden’s type 1 diabetes diagnosis at the age of two, Scott began sharing his triumphs and failures on Arden’s Day, a caregiver website for parents of children with diabetes.
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Now, I don’t mean to make this book sound like it’s just a bunch of gush either. It’s funny, and I mean really funny. Chapters in the book that cover sex/conception, pregnancy, and the ineptitudes of early parenting are hysterical. And Scott’s self-deprecating dad humor seasons every nugget of wisdom, so he never comes off sounding like “Smarmy Scott the Know-It-All Stay-at-Home Dad.” Or at least, none of the other dads who have read the book thus far have reported the desire to punch Scott or throw up on themselves (except in fits of laughter), so we believe that to be a good omen.
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C.S. Lewis wrote that “what you see and hear depends a good deal on where you are standing: it also depends on what sort of person you are.” Scott Benner is the sort of person who finds ways to laugh about things that would make most people cry, and it’s more than likely that he’ll admit to crying over a few things that might make you laugh. Give Life Is Short, Laundry Is Eternal a read and I think you’ll see what I mean.
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Meet Scott Benner, Part II
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by Jess Snyder with Scott Benner
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We can’t lie. We’re super excited about Scott Benner’s new book Life Is Short, Laundry Is Eternal: Confessions of a Stay-at-Home Dad. Scott is a twelve-year stay-at-home father who, on top of doing endless loads of laundry and other chores around the house, takes great care of his two kids. His daughter, Arden, has type 1 diabetes and inspired Scott to start his blog, Arden’s Day, to provide support and inspiration to other parents of children with diabetes.
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We interviewed Scott recently to get an idea about what makes him tick and why he decided to write Life Is Short, Laundry Is Eternal. The following answers are excerpted from a longer article that we published a few months ago called Meet Scott Benner. Read the entire interview here.
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JS: What is your story that you share in your book and why?
SB: Life Is Short, Laundry Is Eternal is a collection of stories that may at first seem a bit disjointed, but they aren’t. The stories are a representation of the journey that I’ve been on during my many years as a stay-at-home dad. It’s a journey that has taught me far more about life then I ever hoped that I could know.
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I tried to strip away the seemingly mundane moments of family life and reveal their true meaning. The lessons that I’ve learned, the ones that have enriched my life, they came from the pauses in between those moments.
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JS: Can you tell us a little bit about yourself?
SB: I’m 41 years old, have two great kids, and one amazing wife. I’ve been a stay-at-home dad for more than 12 years, and I write a type 1 diabetes caregiver blog of which I’m rather proud. I like baseball, but I love baseball when my son is with me. I like to think about things. I’m fascinated by my limits, and I love taking a thought to the very end of my ability to understand it, and then push to imagine the parts beyond my grasp. I’m not quite as handsome, tall, or fit as I wish I was but I don’t seem to mind too much. I love to talk to strangers. Girls in their twenties and little kids that have seen the movie Fred Claus say I sound like Vince Vaughn. Writing means a lot to me. I unapologetically love curvy women, my floor steamer, and taking photos. I dream of taking pictures in the Galapagos Islands for weeks on end, and I want a cure for type 1 diabetes.
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JS: What do you do when you are not writing?
SB: Cook, clean, shop, vacuum, make beds, bug my wife, repeat myself to my kids a million times, but you don’t mean that, do you? We love going to the movies together, that could be my answer but … Mainly, I just like watching my family live, love, and grow. Show me where that’s happening and that is where I want to be and what I want to be doing.
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JS: Why did you feel you had to share these stories?
SB: I wanted to write this book for a few reasons. I see so many fathers missing out on the joy that being a dad can bring to you if you just let it. Knowing firsthand how amazing life feels when you can absorb the energy that your family creates through the prism of knowledge that only being a mom can offer is a gift, and it’s unfair for me not to share it.
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I hope that mothers are heartened by the knowledge that there is a dad out there who gets it, but most of all, I wrote this book in the hopes that even one child won’t have to grow up disconnected from a parent the way that I did. Maybe I can reach someone who doesn’t know or believe how fulfilling parenthood is and change a life.
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JS: What trends are you seeing in glucose monitoring for children?
SB: I get excited every time I see a child with type 1 diabetes wearing a continuous glucose monitor. The next generation of sensors from DexCom is coming closer to reaching patients, and if the improvements in accuracy are near what is rumored, well, I wish everyone that wanted one could have it. There is, in my mind, no more useful tool available right now than the one that gives the wearer the power to see where and how fast their blood glucose value is trending.
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JS: What tips or advice would you share with your readers?
SB: This is an open-ended question! I don’t know … Don’t take any wooden nickels. Measure twice, cut once. Drink more water.
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Be kind, laugh, and brush regularly. That’s how I do it.
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JS: What do you wish people would ask you about more?
SB: How to pre-order my book … I’m kidding (no, I’m not).
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Scott Benner has been a stay-at-home father since 2000. As a diabetes advocate and author, Scott shares his daughter’s life with type 1 diabetes from his perspective on his web site, Arden’s Day. Scott’s writing is honest, transparent, and a great resource for parents of children with, as well as people with, type 1 diabetes.
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Jessica Snyder joined the Spry Wellness Blog as a contributor in 2012. She is currently working to obtain an undergraduate degree in English and Communications at the University of Michigan.
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Life Is Short, Laundry Is Eternal Sneak Peek
by Jess Snyder with Scott Benner
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Scott Benner’s debut book Life Is Short, Laundry Is Eternal will be hitting shelves on April 2. We’ve thoroughly enjoyed working with Scott throughout the production of the book, and all of the early readers have done nothing but rave about the laughs and the poignant truths that spring out of every anecdote from the life of this comedic, yet thoughtful, stay-at-home dad. It doesn’t seem right to hold onto such great tongue-in-cheek wisdom, so we’d like to share this sneak peek from the first chapter in Scott’s book with you. Enjoy!
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“In my life I’ve worked in retail, done landscaping, and was a baker. I even operated an industrial steel saw when I was in my early twenties. In the few years that I ran that saw, I almost cut off the pointer finger on my right hand. I burned a hole in the top of my foot, went blind for a weekend from welder’s flash, and sliced a gash in my left palm that required hundreds of stitches. Please listen to me when I say this … doing the laundry repeatedly for countless years is worse than all of that combined! I am not exaggerating, gilding the lily, or even telling a tale out of school. Plainly, sorting the laundry, folding the laundry, and putting away the laundry is the scourge of my existence.
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When our home was redesigned, I only asked for one improvement. It wasn’t a media room or a man cave. I asked if it was possible to put the laundry room on the second floor. I even had the builder pack its walls with soundproofing insulation so I could use the machines while my family slept. The architect remarked at the time that I was the only man who ever showed an interest in where the laundry room would be. I asked him how many of the men he met were stay-at-home dads, and he couldn’t think of one.
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I thought the same thing that day that I do now. Women aren’t interested in where the laundry room is because they are women; they are interested because they are the ones who generally get stuck doing the laundry. I care about not having to walk up and down a thousand steps a week with a giant basket of clothes in my arms, but in the end I don’t care about the laundry. I’m just the guy who does it.
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Tomorrow when you’re getting dressed, hold your drawers in the air and thank the person who washed them for you. It will really brighten her (or his) day, and not just because you’ll look ridiculous standing naked holding your underwear over your head, for there is no more thankless task than making another’s clothes clean again.”
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Life Is Short, Laundry Is Eternal will be available everywhere books are sold on April 2, 2013. Pre-order your copy today!
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Scott Benner has been a stay-at-home father since 2000. As a diabetes advocate and author, Scott shares his daughter’s life with type 1 diabetes from his perspective on his web site, Arden’s Day. Scott’s writing is honest, transparent, and a great resource for parents of children with, as well as people with, type 1 diabetes.
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Jessica Snyder joined the Spry Wellness Blog as a contributor in 2012. She is currently working to obtain an undergraduate degree in English and Communications at the University of Michigan.
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Eldercare: Creating Compatabilities Part II
by Mary Ann Zettelmaier, MSN
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When we move outside the home to consider issues of safety for senior citizens, we’re getting into areas that are multiple, complex, and sometimes beyond control or simple fixes. And they frequently require more assistance than families and friends can provide. But family and friends (and sometimes neighbors) CAN at least do the detective work to identify risks.
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Given their constant exposure to the weather, porches and outside stairs can require more upkeep than a home’s interior spaces. Wood porches and stairs can rot and boards can loosen; nails can protrude. Concrete and/or brick exterior spaces are subject to the heave of the ground and can crack, loosen, and separate. All of this adds up to setups for falls and missteps, particularly if there are no handrails to compensate for diminished vision, compromised balance mechanisms, and stiff joints. Additionally, house foundations that are cracked or otherwise not intact can lead to basement leaks or the invasion of rodents.
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Likewise, yards can be hazardous when the ground is uneven or those lovely garden paths, complete with stepping stones, heave and loosen, becoming nice to look at but potentially disastrous to use. Ditto for the hoses that we tend to drape across the lawn when it’s time to turn on the sprinkler or the push lawn mower—motorized or not—that exceeds the strength of the elderly pusher. We’ll talk about riding lawn mowers and garden tractors later.
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Consider, too, the state of a home’s windows. The exterior frames that are subject to wood rot if/when the paint peels, double-hungs that no longer open and close easily (or sometimes too easily and uncontrollably), crank-outs that are beyond the strength of the elderly resident to open and close, and locking mechanisms that no longer work. And for sure, window washing, such a simple task in our prime, can be complicated by diminished strength and vision and the need to use a ladder. The potential disasters are all too easy to imagine.
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Next stop on the trail of assessment is exterior lighting. While many seniors spontaneously decrease nighttime activities, sheer safety from unwelcome/uninvited visitors drives the need for working porch lights, garage lights, and sometimes, yard lights.
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And then there’s the operation of motorized vehicles. It’s no secret that a senior’s reaction time is slowed and that diminished vision can lead to misjudgment of distances, misreading (or no reading) of stop signs and traffic lights, and problems with seeing what, or who, is on the periphery of vision. Add to this the potential confusion of accelerator and brake pedals and the uncertainty about forward and reverse gears. And then there are additional problems related to diminished ability to hear horns, sirens, or even human voices.
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I’m not talking only about automobiles, although all of the above scenarios tend to be bigger problems on the road. ANY motorized vehicles, including riding lawn mowers and garden tractors, can be hazardous. An additional hazard with the smaller vehicles is that they can tip over and/or lurch—not a good situation under any circumstances.
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If by now you’re wondering how life can possibly be safe, much less rich and rewarding in the twilight years, be assured that risks to safety can usually be addressed. I’m not talking about guarantees, but rather, some practical problem solving that can make a difference.
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If the repairs or adjustments necessary for environmental and personal safety are beyond what family members have the skill or financial resources to do, it’s worth exploring who can help. Many churches can provide assistance, through programs, volunteer services, or access to networks of care. Most towns, cities, and local communities have some kind of senior services that can help with anything from meals, day care resources, and transportation to volunteers willing to help with home repairs or personal assistance. If nothing else, state governments can provide information about senior services and can help with identifying what’s available locally. Surf the internet: government services are usually “.gov” and probably come under a heading about human services or something close to that. Private organizations that provide similar services are usually listed as “.org.” Do what you must to talk to a live person. If you want to contract for services such as repairs or personal assistance, check with the local Better Business Bureau or Chamber of Commerce, or state licensing bureaus, to determine what’s a legitimate business and what isn’t. That’s particularly important if you’re not in the same locality as your elderly relative.
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If you need to help a senior friend, neighbor, or relative assess her/his own physical abilities, a family physician can be an invaluable help. It’s usually worth it to get to know that person and either attend appointments with the senior or set up an arrangement for contact and communication. The latter may involve legal considerations related to patient privacy laws and medical power of attorney, which I’ll address in a future post. Additionally, there are some geriatric medical centers around the country, and if there’s one close to you, by all means use it. These are usually multidisciplinary services that include a range of services and caregivers whose special focus is the elderly. Some even include services for assessing driving skill; many auto insurers also offer the same service.
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Everything I’ve discussed so far is aimed at keeping seniors in their own homes as safe and independent as possible. But sometimes there’s a point at which home and safety are no longer compatible. In future entries, I’ll address some issues about alternatives to independent living and the legal and logistical resources that help seniors and their family members make the transition.
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You’ll notice that I’ve never suggested that any of this is easy.
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Read other posts in Mary Ann Zettelmaier’s Eldercare series here.
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Mary Ann Zettelmaier, MSN specializes in maternal-infant communication, with a comprehensive clinical focus on developing programs of family-centered care.
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Prenatal Nutrition
by Jess Snyder
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During pregnancy, certain aspects of your nutrition become increasingly important not only for your health, but for your baby’s as well. You will very likely find that new concerns over what, when, and how to eat are often at the center of your attention. Your doctor should give you plenty of advice about what is best for you and your specific pregnancy, but here are a few of the main areas of concern that women generally have about their nutrition while pregnant.
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Nutrients
It is vital that pregnant women get sufficient amounts of protein, folic acid, calcium, and micronutrients, including iron. Additionally, pregnant women should drink 8 or more large glasses of water daily. Protein should comprise about 20% (which is about 60 grams) of a normal pregnancy diet. Most Americans already consume more than enough protein, however, animal sources of protein are very high in fat. These extra fats can build up and create additional weight gain, so be aware of the fat in your meat!
Supplements
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Many women will decide to take prenatal supplements throughout their pregnancy, as they can help to ensure that you’re getting all the nutrients you need each day. In addition to the benefits that you receive from taking supplements, many foods also contain high levels of folic acid, which helps to prevent birth defects. Foods such as leafy green vegetables, citrus fruits, dried beans, and peas are good sources of naturally occurring folate.
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Fish & Shellfish
While most foods are perfectly fine for pregnant women to eat, there are some that require a little extra caution. If you frequently eat fish in your regular diet, it’s a very good idea to talk with your physician about which types are OK for your pregnancy and which are not. Certain kinds of fish can be very high in mercury and should be avoided, such as shark, swordfish, king mackerel, and tilefish. However, other kinds of fish can be great sources of omega 3s and lean protein. Keep in mind that eating raw fish like sushi is generally off limits during pregnancy, due to risks that include bacteria that can cause food-borne illnesses and parasites that live in uncooked fish and can cause parasitic infections.
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Caffeine
For caffeine junkies, pregnancy might present an extra challenge. Pediatricians usually recommend that most women cut back significantly or even eliminate caffeine altogether. Some studies have shown that women who consume 200 milligrams or more of caffeine per day (which is roughly the amount of caffeine in a 12-ounce cup of coffee) are twice as likely to miscarry as women who consume no caffeine. Here is an interesting article about consuming caffeine during pregnancy, which includes a list of the caffeine content in several common beverages.
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As always, your first step toward a healthy pregnancy is consulting with your doctor about which dietary choices are best for you and your baby. Positive decisions about diet and nutrition that are made during pregnancy are some of the most important decisions you will ever make!
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Jessica Snyder joined the Spry Wellness Blog as a contributor in 2012. She is currently working to obtain an undergraduate degree in English and Communications at the University of Michigan.
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Nutrition and Income
by Jess Snyder
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So how significant is income to nutrition, anyway?
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This interesting website by MIT professor Dr. Amy Glasmeier lets a user select their state and county to see the wage calculation and average budget expenditures for people in their area. Most startling to me is the utter inadequacy of minimum wage. Not even a person who is single can support him/herself in the counties around my home (Michigan) on a minimum wage salary. On average, they would have to earn about $9.49 per hour to survive, according to Dr. Glasmeier’s calculations. The website projects that a single person would spend about $240 a month on food, while a two-parent family with three children would spend close to $900. A family of 5 would need to make around $22.34 per hour to be able to maintain this budget, which is three times minimum wage.
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In the midst of these wage challenges and inadequacies, there is increasing pressure for families to provide not only balanced meals, but also to incorporate fruit and vegetables in every meal, to reduce high fructose corn syrup intake, and to accommodate increasingly hectic schedules. Families with busy schedules and fewer resources to use for food may skip fruits and vegetables because of the price and how quickly they spoil.
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ChoseMyPlate.gov has some great tips on how to stretch your grocery shopping dollars as far as possible, especially for fruits and vegetables.
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They advise:
• Buy food in season, especially from local markets. It will taste better and cost less.
• Plan meals out ahead of time so you know what you need and how much you can afford.
• Never shop hungry! Studies show it’s much more difficult to stay to your list when you’re looking for a snack while you shop.
• Since some fresh fruits and vegetables don’t last long, buy them more frequently, in smaller quantities.
• Canned or frozen fruit can save money if you buy in bulk when they’re on sale, and they last much longer than fresh fruits.
• Keep it simple—unwashed, uncut and unprocessed fruit and vegetables are often cheaper.
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It’s possible to incorporate fruits and vegetables into any budget with some advance planning and by keeping an eye out for deals. Try it yourself and see!
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Jessica Snyder joined the Spry Wellness Blog as a contributor in 2012. She is currently working to obtain an undergraduate degree in English and Communications at the University of Michigan.
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Eldercare: Creating Compatibilities
by Mary Ann Zettelmaier
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In the previous post I listed some of the most common risks to a safe living environment for the elderly among us. Now I’d like to suggest some modifications to a home that can make, or keep, it safe. The following isn’t an exhaustive list, but it may point you in the right direction for customizing a plan that meets your, or your elderly parent’s/neighbor’s/friend’s needs.
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THROW RUGS: Eliminate them wherever you can. If you still need them (e.g., on a bathroom floor that might otherwise be wet and slippery), you can do one of two things:
-Make sure they have a rubber backing (most bathroom products do), or
-Purchase some separate rubber backing, cut it to fit the rug, and put it under the rug.
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STAIRS: Again, decrease or eliminate their use. This may mean organizing activity to minimize their use, or, if possible, getting all the necessities for living (laundry facilities, bedroom, daytime living space) on one floor. If stairs continue to be necessary, make sure sturdy rails are in place, preferably on both sides, and consider doing something to highlight the edges of the stairs, e.g., painting the edges in a contrasting color. Night lights can also help, even if everything is on one floor.
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STOVES: This can be especially challenging, since cooking is such an integral part of life for so many of us. So what are the options, short of a brand new stove that may be too expensive? A reminder sign near the stove (STOVE OFF?) may help, as may a nightly routine that includes checking lights, open doors and windows and appliances that don’t have an automatic shutoff. Routines have their merits.
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Alternatively, if none of the above is workable, it may be time to consider some kind of food service, such as Meals on Wheels. Another alternative might be supplying meals from other sources. For years, prior to her moving to an assisted living facility, I made meals for my mother and froze them in single-serving sizes. Then all she had to do was remove them from her own freezer and microwave them. I simply made extra portions when I was cooking for my own family, so it was minimal extra work for me. Or, there’s always my husband’s solution: McDonald’s (help us!).
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CABINETS: This usually takes some help for an elderly homeowner, and if you’re the helper, do respect the fact that, for most women, a kitchen is her turf. Proceed with sensitivity. Basically, the important part is to get the necessities (everyday dishes, glassware, eating utensils and high-use cooking utensils) within reach without stretching or bending. The highest and lowest cabinets, shelves, and drawers need to become off limits for independent use, and that convenient little stepstool needs to disappear. It’s too much of a temptation.
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TUBS/SHOWERS/TOILETS: Thankfully, there are many aids that can keep a bathroom safe and usable. Consider an elevated toilet seat that fits over an existing toilet or a commode chair that works essentially the same way. Also, there are side rails available that attach to a toilet of standard height. The latter alternative is sometimes all that’s necessary. For tubs, there are tub transfer chairs, with seats on both the outside and inside of the tub. With a transfer chair, you can sit on the outside of the tub, get your legs over the edge, and then slide to the part of the chair on the inside of the tub. Some people have replaced a standard tub with a walk-in tub or shower. This may be a reasonable alternative for some, but there’s a price tag that may be beyond what a senior on a fixed income can afford. Additionally, some or all of the aids listed above may be covered by health insurance. As necessary, it’s worth a conversation with your physician.
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This gets us to the “I’ve lived here all my life/I don’t want to move” issue. Given this and the previous discussion, it may be necessary to initiate a conversation about alternative living arrangements. Basic safety issues can be a compelling argument, but it may also take discussions with other family members as well as with physicians and attorneys. I sympathize with anybody who has to engage in such a discussion: as necessary as it may be, it’s never easy.
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And under any circumstances, we’re left with those most basic of human needs: connection and communication. If you’re the senior citizen who has to modify or change your living arrangements, stay connected with your larger world. If you’re the friend or family member who assists an elderly person, keep in touch, and/or find somebody who’s nearby to do it for you and then communicate with you. All things being equal, isolation is probably the biggest risk for diminished quality of life in old age.
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Next time I’ll address some issues related to safety outside the home.
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Mary Ann Zettelmaier, MSN specializes in maternal-infant communication, with a comprehensive clinical focus on developing programs of family-centered care.
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Sophie the Athlete: Part I
by Jess Snyder and Skip DeWall
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At Spry Publishing, we love to feature individuals who have achieved great things in the midst of great challenges, especially when those people are able to inspire others to do the same.
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Skip DeWall is a good friend of Spry, a member of our local community, and a colleague of ours in the publishing industry. Skip’s stepdaughter, Sophie Lash, is an incredible young woman with autism who is making the type of achievements that we most admire. With the support of her family, friends, and community, Sophie is expanding her personal horizons through diet and exercise, making changes that have impacted much more than just her physical fitness.
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Sophie is being nominated for the Governor’s Fitness Awards here in Michigan, so we thought this would be the perfect time to share their fantastic story with you. I had a chance to interview Skip this month and asked him about his family, Sophie’s recent accomplishments, and the Fitness Awards for which she’s been nominated. Later this week, we will publish Skip’s nomination letter to the Michigan Fitness Award organization, explaining Sophie’s story in more detail.
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Enjoy!
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JS: Can you tell us a little bit about your family?
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SD: I married Sophie’s mother, Mary, in February of 2011. I have another stepdaughter, Hannah, age 17. My children, Jen and Dan, are 25 and 27 respectively, and off at school. Mary and I met at ProQuest in Ann Arbor, where we both work in sales. Mary actually interviewed me for the job. We live in Chelsea. Hannah and Sophie both go to Chelsea High School. Sophie is in the special education program.
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JS: What first prompted Sophie to become more active?
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SD: Sophie’s autism makes it hard for her to do anything that is unfamiliar to her. She would almost never choose to leave the house if it were up to her. As a family, we decided that Sophie’s condition was not going to hinder our everyday activities and that we would work together to help her to accept challenges. We started with simple things—trips to the store, short walks, attending social functions in town, and going out to visit people.
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At first it was extremely hard for Sophie, but we took small steps. A short visit. A quick walk. Sometimes we had to make a deal with Sophie—just get out of the car and look at the festival, and if you don’t want to stay we will leave. And we did leave if she chose that path. But then the walks got longer and the socialization more comfortable, and soon she was doing everything with us, and usually without the fear and apprehension that had paralyzed her in the past. Because she was so far behind her peers in this regard, we kept increasing our expectations little by little. We wanted to be certain that we had reachable goals, and that Sophie actually understood that she could accomplish these new experiences. Her confidence grew as each new goal was attained. I began running a few steps with her on our regular hikes. Then a few more, then faster … and she responded. So, I took her to the track and had her run/walk laps with me. In her autistic mind, the idea that we would run was not maddening, but the thought that she should run in a circle, only to end up exhausted where she started drove her crazy. But again, small steps. We usually rewarded her in some way after a workout—a treat, pizza night, or a visit to Grandma’s. Soon enough, she trained for and ran the Run for the Rolls (one mile fun run) in the summer of 2012.
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JS: What kind of impact has the activity and cooking together had on your family?
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SD: Sophie’s growth has profoundly affected us. Virtually everything we did, at one time, was entered into with the realization that Sophie could explode in a tantrum and force us to abandon our plans. She was prone to meltdowns that were terrifying to the uninitiated. She would hit, scratch, and bite. She would scream on the floor and refuse to budge. We very frequently missed out on things because the fear of Sophie exploding was just too great.
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The confidence that she now has, that we all have, is remarkable and allows us to have what I would call a totally normal family life. Sophie has been constantly pushed to achieve. Her growth has resulted in self-confidence and good behavior. She has, day-by-day, what I would call a normal life and has grown so dramatically as a person that many who know her simply cannot believe it.
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Sophie has taken an interest in cooking too, which is rewarding to me because I am a chef wanna-be. My son Dan is a chef. Sophie, all on her own, discovered cooking videos on YouTube and likes to help me make her supper, granola bars, and mostly, pizza. A year ago this was not the case.
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JS: I understand she has been nominated for an award. Can you tell us more about that?
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SD: The Governor’s Fitness Awards are given in several categories each year. When Cindy Trivelene, race director for The Run for the Rolls, submitted pictures of Sophie to the foundation that sponsors the awards and her race, Sophie caught some attention. They wanted to know more about her. They recommended Cindy submit an application for her nomination. We have nominated Sophie for awards in several categories including: Inspiring Story, Conquering Obesity, and Overcoming Adversity.
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Skip is currently collecting endorsement letters to send in with Sophie’s award application. If you’d like to show your support for their cause, please email us at info@sprypub.com.
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Jessica Snyder joined the Spry Wellness Blog as a contributor in 2012. She is currently working to obtain an undergraduate degree in English and Communications at the University of Michigan.
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Eldercare: Safety First
by Mary Ann Zettelmaier, MSN
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At some point, it may be necessary to consider what constitutes a safe and manageable environment for your parents, elderly friends, or even yourself. This is when you begin to realize how easy it is to take for granted the little details that make the difference between safety and risk.
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I’ll focus here on typical in-home risks, realizing at the same time that external threats (e.g., safety of a neighborhood) also impact in major ways.
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So put on your “detail spectacles” and start looking: it’s frequently the simple stuff that can prove to be hazardous. For example:
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- Throw rugs: Consider that, by definition, aging means that you don’t lift your feet very much when you walk. The shuffle is not a dance in old age. So those cute little rugs—in the hallway, at the door, next to the bed, in the bathroom—are setups for tripping, especially if they’re not secured by rubber backing or some kind stabilizer under the mat. Additionally, they can slide and their edges curl, easily causing a loss of balance.
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- Stairs: They become problems primarily when they are necessary to get to parts of a home you need for daily living, such as second-floor bedrooms, basements with laundry facilities, entrances and egresses. And the problem gets compounded when there are no rails. So not only do we risk not lifting our feet enough to get up those stairs, but we gradually lose internal balance mechanisms that allow us to go down the stairs without pitching forward. Add to that hip and knee joints that stiffen or give way, bifocals that blur where the edges of the stairs are, and the frequency of needing to carry something on those up and down trips. Necessary stairs can be recipe for disaster.
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- Stoves: Most elderly people don’t have those fancy new stoves on which the surface doesn’t get hot. Gas or electric stoves are far more likely in the homes of the elderly, and each kind carries its own risks. If gas stoves are turned on but don’t ignite right away, gas escapes into the home. And it’s easier than you think to walk away from a gas burner that is open but not ignited without realizing it—until it’s too late. With an electric stove, it’s easy to forget that the burner is still on, and contact burns can be the result.
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- Cabinets: Most cabinets require reaching up or bending over, both of which can be a threat to an elderly person’s compromised internal balance mechanisms. Additionally, cabinets frequently store things that are heavy, and can push a senior citizen’s strength capacity beyond what’s safely manageable.
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- Tasks that require a ladder: Changing light bulbs in ceiling fixtures or getting that “necessary” celebratory platter out of an overhead cabinet or top shelf can be problematic. By now I think you can see that a task a younger person takes for granted can put an elderly person right over the edge (literally and figuratively).
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- Solo living: Here we go with all the risks previously considered being compounded, because there’s nobody else on site to help prevent problems before they happen or act quickly if they do occur.
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- Tubs, showers and toilets: You never realize how something as simple as the standard height of a tub can be a barrier to hygiene until the hips and knees of an elderly adult of average height can’t bend or lift enough to get over the edge. Likewise, both tubs and shower stalls frequently have slippery bottoms that can cause sliding and losing balance, resulting in fractures, drowning or burns. Additionally, it takes old age to realize that the standard height of toilets is only standard for the hale, hearty and young. It can be as much as a foot too low for the infirm and/or elderly, and even if you can sit down you can’t always get up. Enough said.
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And last but not least, “We’ve lived here all our lives and we want to die here.” This is the bottom line that frequently colors everything else. We can all understand what a sense of “home” means—security, familiarity, independence, competence, memory—so many things that are constant feedback about who we are and what our lives have been, and are, all about.
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So as we think about the best way to spend our latter years, or are children who are concerned about helping our aging parents maintain meaning and quality in their lives, safety becomes a primary concern. Next time, I’ll address some resources and strategies that can be helpful in either keeping home safe or, as necessary, broaching the subject of re-location.
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Read other posts in Mary Ann Zettelmaier’s Eldercare series here.
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Mary Ann Zettelmaier, MSN specializes in maternal-infant communication, with a comprehensive clinical focus on developing programs of family-centered care.
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Hand Washing
by Jess Snyder
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Now that winter is in full force, bringing with it a whole onslaught of new germs, the sniffles and sneezes inevitably start showing up. Even though you’ve heard it a million times before, it’s always beneficial to get a reminder on not only when, but how to wash your hands—it’s one of the best ways to keep the cold and flu at bay.
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When should you wash your hands? Anytime you’re around food: before you prepare it, after you prepare it, before you eat, and after you eat. Keep this in mind especially if you handle raw meat and the utensils, cookware, and surfaces that have come in contact with it. Hands should be washed after you use any kind of cleaning supplies or chemicals around the house. If you’re caring for a sick person, you should always wash before and afterward to avoid giving them new germs or taking any of theirs with you. Did you just take Sparky for a walk, or your little pet Snowball? Time to scrub up! Also, only 32 percent of people report that they wash their hands after coughing or sneezing, but this is one of the most direct ways that many flu and cold germs are spread, so it’s important to clean then too!
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The Mayo Clinic and the CDC both have great web pages that provide some helpful, basic facts about hand washing. Though the CDC recommends washing over using hand sanitizer (particularly when hands are visibly dirty), both methods can remove a large amount of bacteria from your hands. Contrary to popular belief, using hot water out of a tap will not kill more bacteria on your hands than using cooler water. However, the hot water is able to remove dirt and oils from the hands’ surfaces that can harbor bacteria. Also, drying your hands with a paper towel can reduce the amount of bacteria on them by up to 75 percent. Hand sanitizers don’t necessarily clean hands; they do sanitize them, but they can leave organic material behind. However, if soap and water are not available, hand sanitizers are a fine alternative, killing up to 99.99 percent of bacteria.
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Keep these simple tips in mind, and be sure to remind the little ones, too. Hand washing is one of the best ways to prevent the spread of the nasty cold and flu germs this winter.
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Jessica Snyder joined the Spry Wellness Blog as a contributor in 2012. She is currently working to obtain an undergraduate degree in English and Communications at the University of Michigan.
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Read other articles by Jess Snyder
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Eldercare: Trading Places
by Mary Ann Zettelmaier, MSN
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You’ve raised your children and are looking forward to grandchildren and retirement. Your nose-to-the-grindstone days are over and you can sit back, take a deep breath, and, finally, live life on your own terms.
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But not so fast. In these days of lengthening life spans, your parents are still alive and may or may not still be independent. Either way, it is or soon will be incumbent upon you to turn your attention to their needs. At some point, like it or not, these people who always seemed totally competent, in charge, and able to handle anything will experience some level of physical and/or mental decline and turning them out to the proverbial pasture is not an option you’d even consider.
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I write this as a daughter and daughter-in-law who has walked this path and as a septuagenarian whose own children will likely, at some point, have to walk a similar path. I would never profess to have all the answers—there are too many issues specific to individual people on both sides of the equation. Still I’ll try to address some issues, suggest some strategies I’ve employed or know about, and, short of biography, describe some lessons I’ve learned along the way.
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To my mind, the first challenge comes from the realization that your parents do not, in fact, have the same competencies you’ve always expected of them, nor are they in the same emotional/psychological space they used to be. So, short of the ties that bind under any circumstances, there’s a kind of reorientation you need to do to become an effective caregiver for your elderly parents. And you need to do this against the backdrop of a lifetime of experience and relationship, which may have ranged from primarily wonderful to largely problematic, and likely somewhere in between.
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I would be the last person in the world to suggest that such a personal reorientation is easy. More than anything else it’s an exercise in empathy. It may be necessary to put aside old expectations (and all that history) to respect your parent’s situation right now. Without reinforcing his/her own sense of declining competency—guaranteed they’ll have it, and it may not look pretty—it’s important to gently meet them wherever they are, be it providing for physical needs and safety, assisting with problem solving or life skills, working with declining memory, and perhaps even coming to terms with the fact that he or she doesn’t even know who you are any more.
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Concurrent with the personal/emotional reorientation you need to make, there are usually some hard-headed decisions involved, ones that need to be workable for both you and your parents, and sometimes also for your siblings, your own spouse and children, and extended family members.
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So fasten your seat belt, just in case the ride gets bumpy. In future posts I’ll address some typical legal, logistical, and health-care components of trading places. Stay tuned.
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Read other posts in Mary Ann Zettelmaier’s Eldercare series here.
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Mary Ann Zettelmaier, MSN specializes in maternal-infant communication, with a comprehensive clinical focus on developing programs of family-centered care.
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Travel Tips for Families with Diabetes
by Jess Snyder with Leighann Calentine
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Author Leighann Calentine is a mother of two children, one of whom is a child with type 1 diabetes. In Leighann’s new book, Kids First, Diabetes Second, she shares some fantastic, practical tips for making holiday travel safer and less hectic for her family. Here’s an excerpt from a section in the book called Travel Time:
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“Q always wears her medical ID bracelet when she leaves the house, and when we travel I make double sure she has it on. When we were halfway home on our long car trip, my husband and I realized that we hadn’t been putting it on her, because she was with us. But what if we were in a car accident and none of us could speak? The ID needs to speak for us. There are also window decals available online that state that the driver has diabetes or that a child on board has diabetes.
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I like to stop every couple of hours when traveling with children to let them stretch their legs and go to the bathroom. Many rest areas have playgrounds. Blood sugar levels can rise when someone is sedentary in the car for long periods, and running around on the playground for ten minutes might help keep them even. Some diabetes educators recommend setting a temporary increased basal rate on insulin pumps during long periods of car or air travel to combat rises in blood sugar. Your diabetes educator or endocrinologist can make recommendations for your child.
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When staying at hotels, ask for a refrigerator to store your insulin. These are provided at no extra cost for those needing them for medical reasons. When making your reservation, ask for the refrigerator ahead of time so they can assign you the appropriate room. If you are staying at a hotel because you are traveling to the endocrinologist or your child is staying at the hospital, ask if they can give a discounted hospital rate. When we were traveling almost 200 miles each way for our quarterly appointments, the hotel near the children’s hospital provided us with a deep discount.
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If you are traveling across multiple time zones, ask your care team how you should accommodate the change in schedule. Long-acting insulin needs to be taken every day within 30 minutes of the normal time. Basal rates on insulin pumps can be adjusted easily, and your diabetes educator or pump trainer can help you decide what changes to make, if any. If you are traveling across multiple time zones for an extended period of time, you will definitely need the assistance of your care team to make decisions about the timing of injections or basal rates, as well as eating schedules.”
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Leighann Calentine is a respected health blogger and diabetes advocate whose D-Mom Blog is an influential online resource for families and caregivers of children with diabetes. Her daughter was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes in 2008 at the age of three.
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Jessica Snyder joined the Spry Wellness Blog as a contributor in 2012. She is currently working to obtain an undergraduate degree in English and Communications at the University of Michigan.
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DHero Interview: Scott Benner
by Jess Snyder with Scott Benner
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This month, to commemorate American Diabetes Month, we will be featuring interviews with several different people involved in the diabetes community and we’ll hear more about their DHeroes. This week Scott Benner, author of Life is Short, Laundry is Eternal and the blog Arden’s Day, talks to us about his DHero.
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“There are so many heroes in the diabetes community. Bloggers who share so that others can be comforted, parents who don’t sleep, and people who lead by example. Every person living with type 1 diabetes is a hero. These people do something brave in the name of their health every second of every day.
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But if I had to pick just one person…that’s easy. I pick my daughter.
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My daughter Arden was diagnosed with type 1 just after her second birthday. She is eight years old now and I see her live courageously in a way that I doubt I could match if I were put in the same situation.
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It would be easy to talk about the finger sticks, needles and constant insulin considerations. I could make the point that people who live with type 1 diabetes have a tough go of it with those examples, but they don’t tell the real story. Those examples are just the ways that we’ve found to explain diabetes to people living without it in their lives.
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I’m going to tell you why every person who makes their way through a day dependent to insulin deserves all of our respect. Dosing insulin is more of an art form than a science and it happens throughout the day and night. Too much insulin can end you. You have to be certain that you are making the proper decision each and every time that you introduce man-made insulin into your body. It’s a lot of pressure, and the effects of those decisions don’t end after the insulin is out of the needle. People with type 1 spend hours after each insulin infusion wondering, testing and hoping. There is little time in a day when they don’t have to think about diabetes.
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Imagine having to remember to breathe. Consider what it would be like to have to consciously remember to breathe in, breathe out. Christmas morning, two AM, in the middle of a sporting event, before you eat, sleep, bathe, walk, watch television…breathe in, breathe out.
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A person who lives with diabetes always lives with diabetes. My daughter does it in a way that my wife and I are heartened by. If you saw her or any of the people who live with type 1, even for just a few minutes, they’d be your heroes too.”
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Scott Benner has been a stay-at-home father since 2000. As a diabetes advocate and author, Scott shares his daughter’s life with type 1 diabetes from his perspective on his website, Arden’s Day. Scott’s writing is honest, transparent, and a great resource for parents of children with, as well as people with, type 1 diabetes.
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Jessica Snyder joined the Spry Wellness Blog as a contributor in 2012. She is currently working to obtain an undergraduate degree in English and Communications at the University of Michigan.
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